Free Write

In the past I have been called a "book addict" by my sweet husband. He of course meant this in a very positive, whimsical way. I took it as the highest of compliments! I am definitely ok with being a book addict. Yes, indeed.

At the moment I'm reading two books about spiritual topics, one self-help type of book, the Bible, several magazines that I subscribe to, online blogs, yoga articles, and of course ... at all times I MUST MUST MUST be reading a novel. I have to emphasize this. Now, never do I read more than one novel at a time - they are meant to be savored I think. But there is something that my heart loves about always reading a novel. I love stories. I love journeying with a character. I love learning from them, dreaming with them. I love books. I love the release they give me from my life. They sweep you away to somewhere else. Story is so powerful.

In the latest novel I just read, "The Violets of March" by Sarah Jio, I came across this amazing statement. It stuck with me, made it's way into my journal that day, and now it's made the journey to my blog. So it must have resonated deeply in my heart.

"Part of my journey was to take life as it came - not to question or edit myself - the way I did every time I sat down at my computer and typed out a mediocre sentence. This March, my life was a free write."

What a statement. One worth deeply exploring I think. Even as I sat down to blog today, I must have written and erased the first sentence ten times. With writing and the creative process, that's ok. With life ... I wonder. What harm must it do to my heart when I edit it constantly. When I don't let it speak. When I suppress or compress it. I just wonder what this has done to me over the years.

I'm learning so much in my therapy and I see that this is hard for me. It's hard for me to express my deepest needs to those in my life. It's hard for me to ask. Even as I type this, I wonder how much to say - editing myself.

Now that I'm aware of this tendency in myself, I find I'm slowly making some changes. Saying things when they are hard to get out. Giving my opinion even as inwardly I worry I'll upset the person I'm giving it to. Tuning into my feelings and then openly epxressing them to the safe ones I'm blessed to do life with. It's healing me. I feel it.

So the question is this: where do you edit yourself? What area of your life needs to be a 'free write' today? Let this March be that. And hopefully April, May, June ...