Grownup Stuff

My six year anniversary is coming up at the end of this month (December 27th to be exact) and I am so excited. Six years of life and joy with the man of my dreams. He truly is that.

As I have been contemplating this day arriving I have started to tune into my hopes and expectations around anniversaries, special days, holidays, those types of things. Lately, Jonathan and I have spoken much about how we were raised, how that impacted our hearts, and how we can blend our lives together to create something new together. I have been thinking about the inner thoughts of my soul around these types of days and holidays. It took me back to when I was a little girl ...

Remember at the beginning of Disney's "Peter Pan" where Mr. and Mrs. Darling are getting ready to go out to their big party? The children stay at home in their cozy pajamas, tucked into bed with a babysitter watching closely (who cares that it was a dog). Maybe the Darlings were going somewhere grand like the London theatre or a dinner party, or a ball. It had to be somewhere amazing. Her dress was stunning, his tux, exquisite. I love that opening scene. It still resonates in my heart to this day, and I haven't glimpsed the movie in many, many years.

That is how I saw my own parents as a little girl. They (it seemed to me) would go out fairly often. My mom would be dressed up, or at the least, dressed very nicely. My dad as well. We had one of our fabulous babysitters come to watch us (human, not dog). My mom always, always smelled amazing. Her skin was always soft and smelled of beautiful lotion. As a little girl I used to love to go to her dresser and smell her perfumes and lotions. I knew one day I would have some of my own fancy things. My dad's suits were crisp and cool against my skin, his fancy loafers clicking on the old wood floor of our homes. He would warm the car up for my mom before they left to go out. I love my memories of my parents in this way. It spoke to my young heart of romance and intimacy. It made me feel safe.

Another place I return to is of my dad buying gifts for his wife. He gave great gifts. Beautiful jewelry ... well-made clothing ... fancy lingerie even! One Christmas I remember my mom opening box, after box, after box of sexy lingerie! Right in front of us kids! We thought it was so funny! My mom was probably mortified, but maybe a little excited, too? I'll have to ask her. One of the last Christmases I spent with my dad, or maybe it was that very last one, he took me shopping with him to pick out my mom's Christmas presents for that year. We were visiting family in Chicago and went to my mom's favorite clothing store on that Eve of Christmas. I watched quietly as my dad spoke to the saleswoman, explained to the her that my mom was "about your size ... slightly thinner" (I'm sure she loved that) and proceeded to buy the outfit on the mannequin in the front of the store. The latest, most beautiful style that was out. I loved doing this type of errand with my dad. I loved seeing him as he picked things out for my mom. He was decisive and sure, masculine and in love. I got to wrap all the boxes when I returned to the house that evening, as I often did for my dad who was inept at that sort of thing. My mom loved the clothes when she later opened them up. I love this memory.

Just as I see the Darlings in "Peter Pan" I have the same sort of image of my own parents. They were grown ups who did grown up things. Am I becoming one of those? It seems like it. But my soul enjoys being in both places. Being a little girl who observes romance and intimacy, and being a woman playing the starring role in her own romance. I love that I am blessed with both.

I still love seeing my mom, my Marmee, dress up in fancy clothes, smelling beautiful. I only wish she was still being escorted by my dad.

I love dressing up and going out with my prince charming as well. Feeling beautiful, feeling grown up. I wonder what this anniversary will bring.