if i could write music ...

I've been listening to a song over and over today. Do you do that? You buy a new song on itunes and it's all you want to listen to. Over and over. Something in it speaks to you. Loudly. Profoundly. It voices words you cannot. It raises harmonies that you can't yet sing. It draws your heart, your soul, your very essence.

This is why I love music. I think this is why we have music. Why it was gifted to us. It quite literally moves the soul.

I first heard the song, "This Woman's Work" while watching two amazing (AMAZING) artists dance to it on a tv show. Tears poured from my eyes as I watched them put motions and movements to the song. It is a song of Love and Loss. Pain and Heartache. Strength and Beauty. Passion and Desire. My husband was equally moved and we watched the dance several times that evening. However, I since then forgot about it.

Until today.

I thought of the song and dance randomly and downloaded the song from itunes. Little did I know how deeply it would move my heart; especially the following lyrics:

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking.

Wow. When you hear these words with the music I believe your soul will stir as mine did.

See, we all have some area of our life where these words ring true. I know I do. Some days, like today, I feel such hopelessness. Such utter desire to give up, let go, stop hoping for more. It is so difficult to talk about, to feel understood or even want to share what it is I'm feeling.

Does this ring true for you?

So, what is it in your life that you've given up on? What feels too hard? Have you given up in some area?

I am positive that there are areas in each person's life where they have let go of hope and desire. Tune into it. Give life to it again. These words are for you today, my friends. They are also for me...

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

(Song: "This Woman's Work," sung by Greg Laswell)

Ash Wednesday

For the last year God has really drawn my heart to celebrate and live by the Church Calendar; Jonathan and I had such a rich Advent season doing this. There is SO much to learn and glean from these seasons and days that -- having grown up in the non-denominational realm -- I know little of. I've heard of days like: Advent, Epiphany, Ash Wednesday (TODAY!), Shrove Tuesday, Passover, etc. Being introduced to the Anglican Church, and also becoming great friends with a Spiritual Director, has opened my eyes to new and rich ways to worship God. It feels like a hunger is growing in my heart for this. It is beautiful. It feels like Life to my religious-weary soul. I am SO drawn here.

So, today is Ash Wednesday. I remember when I was a little girl in Lutheran school and we would 'celebrate' Ash Wednesday. I honestly do not remember much about the day itself or it's significance. I do, however, remember walking up to the front of the beautiful church where I attended school, having the Pastor dip his cool finger into the ashes made from last year's palm branches, and with those deep black ashes draw cross upon my forehead. We would wear the cross for the remainder of the day to remind us all that it was, indeed, Ash Wednedsay.

Now I am no expert on the church calendar year, but I do know that Ash Wednesday ushers in the 40 days of Lent. The 40 days leading up to the day that Jesus is raised from the dead on Easter Sunday. 40 days to prepare our hearts for something that changed EVERYTHING for us as Believers in Jesus. How do you prepare your heart for this? That is the quesion I'm asking God. I so want a deeper revelation of Him during Lent this year.

Lent is a season of fasting, of doing without. (Every Sunday is a 'feast' day where you can partake of whatever it is you are fasting from). It could be fasting from a food such as meat or sweets. It could be fasting from television or texting. It could be fasting from a behavior. I think it can also be adding something to your life, such as sending a an encouraging note to someone each day or giving in a charitable way each of the 40 days. Maybe taking 30 minutes of silence each of the 40 days or having an hour of silence in your home each evening ... the list in endless.

So, I'm asking God what it is He wants me to fast from this Lent season. I've been asking Him for about a week and especially today as I drove the 1 1/2 hour drive up to Denver.

Chris Webb, President of Revovare says that Lent is, "a time of repentance, an opportunity to experience the mercy of God, to be set free from past patterns of behavior, and to embrace a life of joyful holiness."

So, the thing that I abstain from or add to my life this season is meant to draw me to God. How beautiful. How rich. How amazing.

May this season of Lent bring us all to new levels of intimacy with God.

Somethin' to say

Words are so powerful aren't they? I love words. I love reading books. I love watching movies. I love music. I love talking over tea with a best friend. I love when I get to tell people what they mean to me. I love when God speaks to me. I even love the silence and how much that speaks to my heart as well -- "wordless" space says a lot doesn't it?

Lately I have felt at a loss for words, or so the saying goes. Thus, the reason for my ONE blog in the month of January. What is up with that? I thought the whole point of me having a blog was to ... drum role, please ... WRITE!

But I haven't been.

I recently told my friend, who is a writer by profession, that my writing well is completely dry. Now, this particular friend knows me VERY well. She sees my heart more then most and she can see below the surface to my soul and longings. So after I told her about my parched state, she kindly emailed me back these words, "An empty writing well? I don’t believe you. I am going to pray that the Giver of all creativity fills you right back up."

Just the sort of reminder I needed ...

God is Creator. He created everything and lives in a constant state of creativity. He bestowed us with creativity when He made us in His image. Creativity is a gift that He lavishly wants to bestow upon me today. REmember Jesus' words:

"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need... If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing—you're at least decent to your own children. And don't you think the Father who conceived you in love will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him?" (Luke 11:11-13)

Right. God loves me. God only gives good gifts. He is kind and generous. I can come to Him with anything. How often I forget these things.

***************

I think that I also need to dive into what has kept me quiet lately. I don't want to miss what my heart is saying, or needing to say. So often we breeze through seasons and do not tune into their messages. I don't want that to happen here.

I feel very quiet in my soul at the present moment. I think that quietness is beautiful and OK; needed even. When times of stress and trial come, sometimes we need to go inward and let the soul rest. That is mostly what this last month has been about. Mostly ...

Do you allow for times of silence? Space in your day, week, month and year to simply BE. We need more of this. We just do.

So, let's go back to what started this blog in the first place -- my love for words. What does silence need SAY to you today? Sometimes the most profound 'words' come from saying nothing. Let the soul speak ...